The Maybe Clockwork Ending
by herondalelover262
Summary: After the events of the Clockwork Princess, there is an unexpected change of events for the newly engaged Jem and Tessa. (A before look at the outlook of the Infernal Devices love triangle.)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N-**Hey y'all this is my first fanfic and I wrote I before Clockwork Princess came out as my ending to the story. I hope y'all enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Infernal Devices, or anything else mentioned in this story.

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(TESSA)

Jem leaves for Shang-hi today. He has to go to the Institute there because they have found new evidence regarding the demon that killed his parents. I will miss him terribly and I wish I could go with him.

I am wandering around the Institute looking for him and I hear the distant sounds of the beautiful classical music coming from Jem's violin. I wander down the corridor towards his room. I am almost there but I stop dead in my tracks when I see none other than Jessamine emerging from his room. I stop dead in my tracks, what on earth as Jessamine doing in Jem's room. She has only just been released from the Silent City, if i was her her, I would be trying my best to stay out of trouble, but it is Jessamine we are talking about.

I proceed cautiously to Jem's room, and hesitantly know on the door. As Jem opens the door I try to hide the surprise on my face, but i don't guess i pulled it off, as Jem's face widens in surprise.

"What's wrong, my love" he asks in a worried tone.

"Nothing, nothing" I reassure him, "Um, what was Jessamine doing here?"

"Oh she was just asking me if she could accompany on my trip, she has been through a rough time and she said she needed an escape, if I will help her I did not want to deny her an opportunity to get better."

"Ok, well can I come too." Ok, Jessamine is coming, I can deal with that.

"Oh...," I could tell something was wrong, He looked all nervous and he was wringing his hands. He takes my hand and looks me in the face,"Really it is just going to be a short trip, and I think it would be better if you stayed here and helped Charlotte. I will be back soon, and I promise I will be missing you the whole, time I love you so much you don't even know"

"Oh, all right. Just be careful" I answer back. I really will miss him, he makes me happy and I will miss that sense of peace and contentedness he always seems to have. He just has that general goodness about him that makes someone want to smile.

After I leave Jem's room I wander around and find myself in the library. I look around and sigh, O how I love the library. The smell of the new books, and the soft yellow pages of books that are probably thousands of years old. The great library of the London Institute just has so many books, although most of them are in languages that I haven't the slightest idea how to read, but they hold all the shadowhunter secrets, and can tell me anything I want to about this new world I entered not so long ago.

Then I hear the sound of a young girl's laugh, and over in the corner I find, young Cecily Herondale, with her older brother. "Will, what do the different marks mean?"

"The marks give us different abilities. You see this one on the back of my hand that look like an eye, it helps us see through the layers of glamours, and this is an iratze, pointing to a mark on the inside of his arm. It helps us quickly when we have been hurt. " Will was explaining, he looked up and stopped talking as his gorgeous blue eyes locked with mine. Why did he have be so beautiful, with his tangled, dark hair, and his long, thick lashes. Why do I keep noticing him so much. I am engaged to Jem. I need to stop thinking about Will.

"Hello, I was just wandering around, and I wound up here," I quickly try to think up an excuse. "Sorry for interrupting, I think I will just go back and see if Charlotte needs any help."

"You don't have to go," chimes in Cecily.

"No, really its ok, I was just stopping by," and I hastily exit the room. Why oh why did I just do that, I wasn't doing anything wrong. It has just been so awkward between me and Will lately, and I don't want to make it any worse.

Later on at dinner after Sophie served us this wonderful chicken dish that Bridget cooked for us. I just wish she would stop singing those awful songs.

_And off goes my lover_

_Off to fight his own battles _

_He needs to go but I will miss him so..._

Jem and Jessamine have already left along with Henry and Cyril, which meant the only people attending dinner tonight were Charlotte, Will, Henry, Cecily, and myself. There were a lot of empty periods where we just sat in silence. It just feels so awkward with out Jessamine and Will bickering, or Jem there to stop them. After a while Cecily starts shooting questions at Charlotte and Will, ever since she arrived at the institute she has not been able to stop herself from finding out as much about the Shadowhunter World as possible. Cecily Herondale is a strong willed little girl. In many ways she takes after her older brother. They both have a strange, but fiery intensity about them. Ever since Cecily has arrived Will has spent almost all of his time with her. I guess it is his way of trying to make up for the time he has lost with her. I know he feels awful about leaving home seven years ago, but he felt it was the only thing he could do, believing that he had that awful curse. Also lately he has been acting much nicer towards everyone, and just seems like a kinder, more considerate person in general. It is a good side of Will, and it seems to bring out the best in him.


	2. Chapter 2

(THE EXPEDITION)

Meanwhile the travelers to Egypt are getting off to a good start on their journey. After their departure from the Institute at around three o'clock that afternoon, they rode for several hours and then stopped to take a break. The occupants of the carriage find themselves in an awkward silence. Cyril was out tending to the horses and Henry, Jessamine, and Jem were trying to find a safe topic to discuss, so far today they had ridden in pretty much dead silence. At first Jem had tried to start conversation by asking Henry about his inventions, but he had already retreated to his own little world he had inside his head thinking of who knows what, which left Jessamine. Things had been pretty rough with Jessamine ever since she got back. She had kept to herself even more than usual. She kept mostly to her room. If anybody tired to ask her about her stay in the Silent City she would shut down and quickly escape to her room, and if anybody passed by they could her sobbing. Now more than ever all Jessamine wants is to marry a mundane man and live normal mundane life.

Later on that night after all the tents were set up and they had eaten a dinner of bread and cheese from the Institute's kitchen, and a nice sized antelope that Cyril had caught earlier that afternoon, Jem and Jessamine once again found themselves alone, and surprisingly Jessamine broke the silence first, "Jem, I know we haven't been on the best of terms lately, but I just feel like I need to talk to somebody or I might explode. I have been keeping it all in, and it has just become too much to carry on my own. I wouldn't be asking if it weren't important. I just feel like you are the most willing to listen. I mean Will is still the most arrogant person I have ever met. He just gets on my nerves, and Tessa just reminds me of Nate, I know they weren't biologically related but still every time I look at her she reminds me of that cheap, deceiving backstabber. I still don't really feel comfortable around Charlotte or Henry. Jem, please I have no one else I feel I can talk to at all. Can I talk to you?"

"Yes, Jessamine, you can talk to me, but I am warning you that I have not completely forgiven you for betraying the clave, and putting my family in danger."

Jessamine now on the verge of tears, "I know, Jem, I am truly sorry for what I did. I know you have every right to hate me right now. Please just let me explain myself. "

"Ok."

Jessamine waits a few minutes and calms down, and then starts into her story. "Well, you know how my parents rejected the Shadowhunter world and how they never wanted me to be a part of it, and when they died well I just wanted to follow what they wanted for me. So when Charlotte and Henry took me in I was grateful, but I was also determined to find a way to be independent, and live the life my parents wanted for me. I tried my best to separate myself from everyone else in the Institute, but y'all would not leave me alone, and y'all kept wanting me to participate in all of these Shadowhunter activities. A couple of years ago I started to get desperate, and I was constantly searching for a way out my first thought was act normal and pretend that I was a normal human. I would go out and take rides in the carriage an walk around the park, and try to catch a young lad's eye. We could court and eventually marry, once we marry we could go and make a life together away form the Shadowhunter world altogether. Then Tessa came along and I saw her as a new chance to escape. Soon after Tessa moved into the Institute, I asked her if she wanted to buy a house with my parents' money and move in together as sisters, move into society, and live normal lives, but that plan fell through

when it became clear that Tessa had no intent of leaving the Shadowhunter community.

"Then when Tessa brought her brother Nate to the Institute, all I saw was opportunity, as you probably know I took upon myself the task of becoming his personal maid, and helping him, hoping he would be grateful of my services. At first I was excited because I thought he was into me, but then I was shocked and became furious at him when I found out he had gone behind my back to send the message to Mortmain, which in hindsight is kind of ironic, but afterwards he came to me and he told me he cared for me. You have to understand this is what I have wanted for a very long time, and I was so relieved that the feelings were shared. I was also desperate for an escape and now someone loved me, and according to the Silent Brothers he was completely human. I was so excited, so I continued to meet him and soon we were married. I was excited to get what I finally thought I wanted. He told me though that it had to stay secret and that I had to stay at the Institute a little while longer before we could start our life together. I did everything he said because all I could think about was what would come after, and then when that little snitch Sophie caught me going to the ball to meet Nate, I was terrified. I did not know what they would do to me. I have always been frightened of the Silent Brothers and their city. It was awful down there. It was dark, and at night I could hear noises. At the time I was also grieving the death of my husband but that grief turned into a wave of despair and hatred when what y'all said about the marriage being false kind of sunk in when the diamond in my ring turned out to be a fake.

Now I am confused, and I don't know what to do. For so long I have strived for one thing, and it has led me into such a big mess. I just don't know what to do anymore."

The two sat in silence for a while. Finally it was Jessamine who broke the silence as she broke down and started crying. Jem felt a sort of pity toward the the poor girl sitting across from him and he starts to comfort her. After a while she calms down and they go off to their separate tents.


	3. Chapter 3

(TESSA)

We are laughing so loud I am sure it could be heard all throughout the Institute. Cecily and I are watching Will practice. Well actually Will was trying to teach Cecily how to throw a sword into a target. Cecily thought it would be hilarious (and it was) if she dared Will to stand on his head and try to throw his misericord at a target across the room. Of course, he gets into the hand stand pretty quickly and he seems pretty sturdy but as he reaches up to throw the sword he falls flat on his face. Cecily and I burst into laughter, and when Will sits up he is laughing, too. It is nice laughing. It feels right the three of us sitting here laughing, over the past few weeks I have noticed changes in Will; he smiles more, and laughs, not that arrogant laugh that he normally has, but real genuine laughter. It is a nice sound to hear. He also seems less arrogant and snarky lately. He has been kinder to those around him. It is nice to see him so happy.

"So, was that embarrassing enough for you?" Will asks jokingly to his little sister.

"Yes, perfect," and we break out laughing again. "I wouldn't mind if you tried that again actually."

"Maybe later now it is time to get down to business." He gets up off the ground and puts up his misericord and grabs two less dangerous looking swords. "Ok, who wants to go first?"

Ever since the lessons stopped with the Lightwood brothers, Will has been instructing me along with Cecily. At first it was really awkward between the two of us, but soon it became a nice happy environment. Sometimes I still feel his gaze on me sometimes, and others I catch myself gazing at him. I watch the graceful way he moves around the room showing us different tricks, and I can feel his gentle touch as he helps me hold my weapon and when he teaches me a different way to stand and different grips. He really is a good teacher.

"I'll go first," exclaims the eager Cecily. She has been a little ball of persistent, committed energy. " She easily handles every new task we give her, and she can be seen studying large volumes form the library in her spare time. We have become good friends over the past few weeks. She is kind, and funny, but at times you can see she is down. Like she has some terrible burden on her shoulders. I know she misses her family but she is glad to have Will back. I don't know exactly what happened to drive her to the Institute, Will won't really talk about it, but I can tell its far from good.

Will and Cecily practice for a little while and then it is my turn. Will and I have been practicing basic blocking skills. He does different exercises where he comes at me With a sword and I have to perry his attacks, slowly I am getting better, but today we are starting hand-to-hand combat.

"Ok, Tess, first I want you to show me the defensive stance, you would take if someone was coming at you, and they were about to hit you."

I felt really funny as I took a position that I thought was pretty defensive. My hands curled up into fists and brought them up in fro of my face. I looked ready to fight. I stood there for about three seconds before he started bursting out laughing."Whats wrong?" I asked my cheeks starting to get really warm.

"Its just that that is definitely not the right way to hold yourself. Your hands are up way to high. Yes, it might help you protect your face, but if your attacker tries to strike any other part of your body, you don't have a very good chance to block it. Besides having your hands up that restricts your view giving you a disadvantage." He walks over to me and his hands rough with callouses from the many years of training, but gentle as they lower my arms until my hands at positioned even with my chest, about half a foot in front of me.

"There, now spread your feet out so that they are even with your shoulders. This will help keep you steady." He looks up at me and gives me one of his dazzling smiles, that I love so much.

"Good, stand as you normally would. Now I want to see how fast you can get into that position again." We practiced for a little while longer and then we all went down to dinner.


	4. Chapter 4

(THE EXPEDITION)

The carriage is long and bumpy. Jessamine reaches out and tries to talk to Jem. "So what was it like living in Shang-hi?"

Surprised by Jessamine's question, Jem takes a moment to respond. "Well, I remember the streets being very crowded, most even more crowded than the streets in London. My mom was worried she would loose me in the crowd, so she always kept a tight hold on my hand, and told me that it was very important that I not let go."

"She was just worried about you."

"I know. I miss her so much. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my parents. I am really nervous about going back. I don't really know what it will be like to go back and them not be there. I have not been in the Institute since they passed..."

Jessamine could relate to Jem's feelings. She missed her parents to. They were in almost every thought she had, All she wanted to do was live up to the expectations they had for her and to not let them down. She found herself beginning to trust Jem. Something she thought she would never be able to do. Jem was a Shadowhunter and she was not supposed to trust Shadowhunters. They were nothing but a life of death and destruction. All her life she had just wanted to live normal, anything but the Shadowhunter life. Still Jem was not all that bad, he was nice and sweet and caring. Tessa was lucky to have him.

Over the next week the two of them started opening up too each other. They would talk about their parents, and their old lives, but they would also talk about things like hobbies and interests. They began to understand each other, and against all odds a strange connection began to spark between them that neither one of them could understand. They found that they understood each other in ways that nobody else did.


	5. Chapter 5

(TESSA)

I went out wandering today, I went for a walk in the park and then I went to stand on the bridge that Jem used to call his favorite place in the world. I was just standing there staring out at the river when suddenly I feel the presence of someone beside me, and I turn to see Will leaning against the rail beside me. Somehow he had snuck on me but it does not surprise me, since he always seems to be able to get around without making any sound. I believe that it is a Shadowhunter thing.

"So, Tess what are you doing out on a gloomy day like this?" He was right today the sky was covered with gray looking clouds, not the prettiest sky anyone had ever seen.

"I could ask you the same question."

"Well I was out looking for something to do & I happened to see a pretty young maiden standing all by herself in the middle of this bridge, and I felt it was my duty as a gentleman to come and say hello," and he gave me one of those smiles that makes my heart melt. Even though I am engaged to Jem, Will still has that effect on me.

"Well, how nice of you, thank you," I say conscious of my cheeks starting to turn a deep red. How gorgeous Will is standing there leaning gracefully against the railing. Why oh why did he have to be so handsome, and lately he has been acting so much nicer. I really am starting to wonder what happened to the old Will, the snarky, arrogant, and sometimes cruel boy that I met in the Dark Sisters' house so long ago? Something has changed in him, and I feel that it does not help my current situation. " So where is Cecily?"

"Back at the Institute with Charlotte, she was helping with some work that need to be done to help prepare for her baby. I think Charlotte is getting kind of lonely without Henry around. So Tess, do you want to take a walk with me?"

"Sure"

So we go for a walk down the streets of London, and all the while I catch Will staring at me with those stunningly blue eyes, when he thinks I am looking at a store window, or someone interesting I happen to see passing by. Now, it is so easy to be with Will. I know I am engaged to Jem, but if I cannot stop thinking about Will so much, am I really being fair to Jem? If I could possibly be in love with Will still, am I doing the right thing by staying with Jem. I mean yes I love Jem, but sometimes I wonder if I love him the way he thinks I do. Sometimes I get the feeling that the love I have for Jem is more a brotherly love than fallen in love, but to tell him how I feel would break him. He is already so fragile, he does not need more pain from me.

We reach a less busy and less travelled part of town, suddenly Will stops and turns to face me. "Tess, there is something I have to tell you. I know that you are engaged to Jem, and that you probably still hate me for all the things I have done to you. I have been acting like I am okay with you being with Jem because I want him to be happy, and I want you to be happy, but I have been waiting for the chance to tell you that I believe I would be unfair if i didn't tell you that I still love you Tess. I cannot stop thinking about you. I just needed a chance to tell you how beautiful I think you are Tess. I know I was mean and awful and cruel to you, but it was because I cared for you, and sometimes I just couldn't help it, when I was around you. It was just too much, and you brought my wall down. I am so sorry for what I did, but you know now why I had to do it, but I hated every minute of it, and I wish I could go back and take every word of it back, but I can't. I was too late and I am so sorry about that..." he is looking at me so tenderly is long beautiful lashes framing his piercing blue eyes.

"Will I...I don't hate you. I never hated you. At times I was deeply hurt and very upset by you, but I never hated you. I always believed there was good in you. I just wondered why you never let anyone see it."

"Really? You don't hate me?" I shake my head. A look of relief washes over him. His face lights up, and the most enchanting smile spreads across his face. It looked like a great burden had been lifted off his shoulders and he could finally start breathing again. "Oh that is such a relief. I thought you would hate my guts after all those mean things I said to you." Will had gotten a wild look in his eye.

"Will I might not hate you, but I'm with Jem, I'm with Jem. I..." and suddenly I couldn't speak anymore because he scoops me up, and pulls me into his arms, and suddenly once again I find myself kissing Will Herondale. His lips are soft and gentle against my mouth, and then the kiss starts to become deeper and he starts to hold me tighter and tighter until there are no spaces left between us, and my hands come up and become tangled in his soft dark hair. I feel all my bones turn to mush as I melt into him. I feel light and free as he holds me in his arms. I just wish we could stay like this forever and that this moment would never end. Then suddenly he pulls away, at first I am disappointed, and confused as a brief sense of rejection comes over me. Why is he pulling away. Then I start blushing, as I realize how unproper our behavior is, and how unladylike I have been acting. Then I can feel my blush getting deeper as I finally remember Jem. I immediately feel a deep sense of guilt, and embarrassment. Oh no I had forgotten about Jem. Then I get angry.

"Why did you do that William Herondale. You know I am engaged to Jem. What am I supposed to tell him now?"

"Maybe you should tell him the truth!" he quickly retorts back at a volume that is close to yelling, but then he calms down, and in a much more sensible voice, "I am sorry, that was out of line. I was just so happy that you didn't hate me, and for the first time in weeks I felt a tiny spark of hope." Now it is his turn to start blushing.

I quickly calm down to, no matter how hard I try I cannot stay mad and this gorgeous boy standing in front of me. "What are we going to do Will? We can't keep going on like this."

"I know, I know...you know I wish that there was someway we could be together. I love you Tessa, but the question is do you love me back Tess?"

I did't know what to say. I wanted to tell yes. Yes I love you Will, but that would be cruel because we cannot be together, plus I am with Jem, and I owe it to Jem to be faithful to him.

He grabs me hands and forces me to look up into his face, and his deep blue eyes are staring back into mine. "Tess, answer me. Whatever your answer I can deal with it I just need to know the truth."

_I what to know the truth too Will think I love you, no i know I love you, but..._ Finally I decide that he deserves the truth however painfully it might be for both of us, bit I feel like I would be doing him a disservice if i didn't tell him. "Yes, Will I believe I do love you, but I am engaged to Jem, Will. Is that what you wanted to hear that even though I think I love you both, but I am engaged to him so we can never be together."

"Yes, I think I do. I just needed to know the truth." His gaze dropped dejectedly to the ground and you could hear the sad truthfulness of his words.

We stand like that in silence for I don't know how long. Finally Will breaks the silence, "It is getting late. We really should start heading back to the Institute."

"Will, I...I am so sorry" I can't really think of anything to say.

"Its ok, just can we not mention this to Jem. I don't want to cause him, any pain."

"Of course, Will, anything, I don't want to hurt him either." And so we silently walk back to the institute together.

When we arrive back at the Institute. We find Charlotte and Cecily had just sat down to dinner. We sit down, and act like nothing has happened. We laugh at all the right times, and make small talk with Charlotte and Cecily.

Over the next few weeks we go on pretending like everything was normal, and we did eventually settle back down, but there is always those awkward moments when we chance to meet each other in the hall, and we don't really know what to say to each other. Will seems to be in a little bit happier mood, even though things are awkward, it doesn't seem to be able to take the new perk out of his step. Every once in a while I will still catch him looking at me. It seems like he has this kind of hope. Though what exactly he is hoping for I'm not exactly sure.


	6. Chapter 6

(THE EXPEDITION)

Jem, Jessamine, Henry, and Cyril, made it to Shang-hi China, after three long weeks of traveling in that period of time Jessamine and Jem had become good friends. Any of the anger or disappointment in Jessamine that Jem had felt was long gone, and in its place was a feeling of thankfulness and joy, that Jessamine had accompanied him on the trip. He did not regret the decision to let her come along. At the Institute the new family in charge, Jem was surprised to find out was a couple of good family friends, the Changs. He remembered from his childhood, and after the warm greetings Jem, went with the Changs to go discuss the new material that they found concerning the demon that killed his parents.

Jessamine was left alone for a little while, and look around Jem's childhood home. The Shang-hi institute was a very large formal type building with lots of regal red furniture, and old antique pots and vases for decorations. Jessamine also found pictures left out by the Changs of photos from when Jem was younger, before his life had been turned upside down. Jessamine thought he looked so adorable as a cute little asian kid, with dark black hair, and the olive skin tone of the Chinese. He looked so happy, and healthy. She wondered how this little boy could compare to the weak, frail Jem that she knew today.

"Wow, I didn't know that the Changs kept any of my parents, old stuff. They really are very nice people." Jem said from behind her. She had been so engrossed in looking at the photo that she had not noticed him approaching. "That was taken right after my eighth birthday. I remember that day well. I had been all panicked, because I had woken up to the smell of burning food, and I ran downstairs, worried that something was wrong and then, only to find out that our cook, Je-jing, had gotten distracted by a surprise visit from a secret admirer, and they got so caught up with each other, that they had totally forgotten about everything until every last would be pancake was burned to a crisp, and the whole kitchen had been filled with smoke. My parents were very upset at first, but after being angry for a couple of minutes, we all just broke down and started laughing. Then we helped Je-jing clean up the kitchen, and she made us all another batch of pancakes that we decided turned out even better than the first batch would have."

"Thats so sweet. Especially the fact that your parents were so nice about it. The way you talk about them they sound like two of the best people in the world. They must have meant a lot to you." Wow, Jessamine thought, the way his face lights up when he is talking about this place is really quite sweet. Wait what am I thinking. Jem? She never knew he had this much depth, and he so kind and considerate. He still treats her so nice even after all the awful mistakes she made.

"Yeah they do mean a lot to me, and this place just brings back so many memories. Things haven't changed much here. The Changs really haven't changed anything. All the furniture is in the same place. The only major change I think is the new carpet int the sitting room." Wow, Jem thought, Jess really is beautiful when she is not spending all her time sulking around. She actually has a heart, and can be kind and considerate. The things she is passionate about really tell a lot about her. A person just has to get to know her to see that. "So would you like to take a walk through the gardens with me?"

"Sure, I would love that" Jessamine sincerely replies.

All throughout the walk, while Jem showed Jessamine all the different plants that the Chinese garden had to offer. He could not stop thinking about how beautiful Jessamine's hair looked against the pale sky, and how whenever he saw her smile, it made a smile appear on his face too. These thoughts made him start to think about his relationship with Jessamine were they really just friends. He thought back over the last few weeks and he remembered all the times that they had seemed so close to having a "moment." And finally he remembered Tessa. His darling Tessa. He suddenly realized that this was his first thought of her in weeks. He had become so wrapped up with Jess that he had forgotten all the about his betrothed. That was very unlike him. It made him think, If he could forget about Tessa that easily is she really the one for him. He became to feel a sense of betrayal. He thought he loved Tessa, but if he could forget her so easily then were they really meant to be. Maybe he picked the wrong girl? Maybe the right girl for him had been right in front of him the whole time but he had just never taken the time to get to know her. The more he thought about it, the more he began to believe it was true.

After finishing his business with the Changs and having everything settled Jem and the rest of the Shadowhunters along with Cyril began the long journey back home. The closer and closer they got to the Institute, the more butterflies began to appear in Jem's stomach. He had already made his decision, and now all that was left was to follow through.

Once they arrived back in London at the Institute, Jem immediately searched out Tessa, before he lost his wits and backed out of what he desperately needed to tell her. He found her in her room getting ready to go out for walk around town.


	7. Chapter 7

(TESSA)

Right as I am finishing getting ready to go out I hear a knock at my door, and I wonder who it might be. As I open the door I see Jem standing right outside my door. At first I am filled with delight, at the sight of Jem, it felt like it had been ages since I had last seen him. Then I noticed how uncomfortable he looked, and how his hands were being twisted into his shirt, like he does when he is nervous, but what should he be nervous abut?

"Hello my darling Tessa. How are you? I have missed while we were apart."

"Oh I have missed you too Jem. It felt like you were gone such a long time, but I wasn't expecting you back til later this evening."

"Yes, well we were made good time so we got back sooner than we expected."

"Oh ok, well I'm just glad you got back safe and sound."

"My sweet, do you have a minute to spare there is something I need to talk to you about. I see that you are dressed like you are about to go out. May I accompany you?"

"Of course you can, I was just going out to get some fresh air anyway." I am confused, what is it that Jem needs to talk to me about that is making him so nervous. I began to get this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Just let me finish getting ready and I will meet you at the front door in a few minutes."

He gave me a nod and then left the room. Once he was gone, the sinking feeling that I had been feeling in the pit of my stomach turned into a full on panic attack. Why was Jem so nervous, this can't be good. Maybe his illness has gotten worse or he found out something horrible about his parents. Slowly I finished getting ready, making sure I looked suitable, then I went and met Jem at the front door, and out we went into the bustling streets of London.

We walked for a few minutes in awkward silence finally broken by Jem, "So Tessa there is something I need to tell you...While I was on the trip I realized that I kept getting so caught up in the things around me that I almost completely forgot what I thought was the most important thing in my life, and if you forget what you believe is the most important thing in your life, is it really as important as you thought it was? I'm sorry Tessa I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't think this is fair to you."

I was stunned and didn't know what to think this was definitely not what I had been expecting. Suddenly feelings of abandonment were washing through me and I felt on the verge if tears.

"Tessa, It is not that I don't think you are an amazing person, it is just that also while we were on the trip Jessamine and I really... I guess you could say we connected. I know I wasn't expecting it either, but we just seem to understand each other. I don't know how I feel about her, but until I do figure it out I think that it would only be right, if we ended the engagement."

"O, well ...o..k." I felt like I was about to burst out into tears, but I fight and keep them back. I get my face back barely into control, and tell him in a steady voice, "okay, well I am happy for you and Jessamine." then I just walk off without him so that the tears can flow and so that I can try to get a grasp on what just happened to me.

I keep walking not really knowing where I am going and I start to think, Jem and Jessamine, no way, how did that ever happen. I really do hope they are happy he deserves someone who cares for him, and I hope she does. I think though that they will be good for each other. She needs someone who really cares for her, and I trust she can take care of him, too. be someone who will be there for him.

But where does that leave me. Back when Jem proposed to me, we didn't know whether we were going to keep the Institute or not, but Benedict Lightwood followed through on his word, and he backed down and let Charlotte and Henry continue to run the Institute. So for now I still have someplace safe to stay. By this time I find that I have walked all the way to the park and I sit down on of the lovely tree shaded benches. I just sit and let it all sink in, and a new thought comes to me. I am free and maybe Jem is not the only one who has feelings for someone else. In all that is happening I realize that there is someone else that I too care deeply about. The boy with the gorgeous dark hair, and the long lashes right above some of the bluest eyes. A boy who when he holds me, I feel like I am melting in his arms. Lately I found but am only now admitting that his recent change in attitude has only made me care for him more. I think back to the time right after we had gone to the Lightwoods where he finally told me he loved me and I could not tell him back because I had just become engaged to Jem. And then I thought he hated me after that night. He tried to hide it but I could tell I had hurt him badly. Every time I looked at him I just wanted to break down crying, but then the other day on our walk a new hope arose inside me, but I could not do anything about it because I still was engaged to Jem. Now I can finally tell him that I love because I do. I love Will Herondale. I feels so good to finally admit it. With this new revelation the only think I seem to be able to think about I head back to the Institute in much higher feelings.

Back at the Institute I find that everybody seems to be settling down. All the bags have been brought in and unpacked and now people are resting and reuniting from the long journey. It seems though that Jem has not come back yet. I wonder where he might be but I do not dwell on it for very long because I am far to eager now to stop. I look everywhere and finally I make my way to Will's room, and knock. At first I wonder if he is not there, and finally he opens the door and a surprised look appears on his beautiful face.

"Hello Tessa, I wasn't expecting you." Now I that I was finally looking at him my stomach started to turn with nervous butterflies. His hair looked all ruffled like he had been taking a nap.

"Oh, well can I talk to you."

"Uh, sure I guess, you want to come in." and he opens the door wider for me so that I can come in. His room is still a reck, like the last time I was in here.

"So..." Will says lounging against the desk.

"So you know the other day when we went for a walk..."

"Tess I already said I was sorry."

"No its not that its just that earlier this afternoon Jem and I also went on a walk, but ours didn't really end the same as yours and ours."

"I don't think I get what you are trying to tell me, Tess," Will says looking confused.

This is harder than I thought, "Okay, I guess what I want to say is, Will Herondale I love you."

At first he just sat with his mouth hanging open. Like he was shocked and could not comprehend what I had just said. Then the butterflies started to come back though they were more like wasps. What if he did love me any more what we had just been through too much or he had just moved on, and then I found myself in his arms, and then we were kissing again, and all my fears and doubts melted away. _This is where I belong._ I thought to myself. How could I have ever doubt that this was were I was meant to be. In the arms of this boy forever. I let everything else disappear from my mind and just be in this moment with Will.

Then he pulled away all too soon. He didn't let me go, instead he was looking down at me with about a million questions in his eyes, that were also alight with joy. More joy than I had ever seen in those eyes before. "O Tess I love you too, but I don't understand. How, what, I thought..."

"Well, you won't believe me when I tell you" I start to explain smiling up at him, but when I went on that walk with Jem he told me that he had fallen in love with Jessamine, at first I couldn't believe it either, and he said that he was ending our engagement because it wasn't fair to me if he was in love with someone else, and then i realized i was in love with someone else too and now i just want to shout it for I the world to hear. "I love Will Herondale!" And we were kissing again. This time the kiss began to deepen, it felt like if we kept on going much longer we would not be able to stop.

So when we finally stopped we were both smiling and laughing. I felt much lighter than I had in weeks. "I just love to hear you say you love me Tess haha. I have waited so long to hear it...I love you, too." And he gives me a dazzling smile. We just sit there for a little while longer and revel in the moment of just finally being able to be together.

This morning I woke refreshed from a good night's rest filled with wonderful dreams. I changed onto my day clothes, and opened my door to find Will pacing right outside my door. I was so surprised I took a step back. He immediately stopped pacing, and turned to look at me. "I think we need to tell Jem."

"Ok"


	8. Epilogue

(EPILOGUE)

Jem upon being free of his engagement to Tessa, Jem went to Jessamine, and told her how he felt, at first she looked surprised but then a smile spread across her face. She admitted to feeling the same way.

That night at dinner both of the newly together couples announced their happiness to everyone, along the surprise announcement that Sophie and Gabriel were also engaged. The whole Institute rejoiced through the night.


End file.
